Tuesday, February 7, 2012

'Gossip Girl,’ Season 5, Episode 14, ‘The Backup Dan’: TV Recap

Run Blair Run! Run away from your 80s-themed wedding and away from the crazy prince determined to make your life miserable!
We’re back at the Blair wedding. The one where everyone tried to convince her to run away with Chuck. Instead she fled with Dan. Blair, Chuck and Nate play stowaway in the catering van (Nate is trying to hit on the cater waiter who is the “real” Charlie Rhodes). In the meantime, Gossip Girl Georgina is all trying to find out what’s wrong. She cons the crazy Scooby Gang to go to the Empire and says they have to take her with them.
Blair heads to the airport to fly to the Dominican Republic, where she thinks she can get a quickie divorce. She’s very incognito in her full Vera Wang and crown. For some reason, Serena has Blair’s phone and sees the text from Louis asking where the heck (Blair) is. Dan is letting Blair drag him around.
Ohh ohh, Georgina discovers Dorota packing Blair’s suitcases. OK, is it me or is this episode dragging on forever? I’m bored and there are 40 minutes left.
Louis’ mom says if Blair doesn’t show up, her parents will have to pay a big big dowry.
Nate and the real Charlie are hanging out and Charlie’s mom calls and lies are told about studying in the library. Back at the airport, Blair and Dan see Louis on television claiming that Blair is a missing person. They must escape the airport and flee to an airport hotel. Dan wants to know why she treats him like crap. I dunno, because it’s Blair and she’s a jerk and he should get over her.
Serena and Chuck show up at the airport hotel. So does Georgina. She takes pictures of everyone and runs out. Why no one stops her, I have no idea. It turns out Serena sent the Blair video telling Chuck how she feels to Gossip Girl last week. Then Serena says she didn’t send it. And Chuck didn’t do it. Who sent it? Maybe Dan!
The Charlotte/Charlie shows up at Lily/Rufus’s to deliver flowers. Miraculously, she drops the info that she was with Nate before. Oooh sneaky!
Chuck offers to charter a plane to the Dominican Republic when evil mother-in-law shows up and demands that Blair come with Louis to take her place in Stepford. Serena is mad at Dan because she told him he was her one and only schmoochie and he didn’t respond.
Chuck offers to pay the dowry, but Blair says she needs to keep her promise. And she walks out the door to head back to her Monaco prison. But first, she apologizes to Dan. Blair’s mom says she doesn’t appreciate threats and she’ll pay whatever to keep Blair away. She tells Blair not to go with Louis. Blair stands by her stupid decision and she leaves with Louis leave for their year of solitude. This is all so stupid.
Next week: It’s Valentine’s Day on Gossip Girl. And somehow, Blair is back from Monaco.

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